Many of these are from "The Homebrewer's Recipe Guide" by Patrick Higgins, Maura Kate Kilgore & Paul Hertlein.

Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C. - W. C. Fields

Beer is the drink of those who think, and feel no fear or fetter, who do not drink to senseless sink, but drink to feel better. - Anonymous 1903

I spend most of my money on beer, the rest I just waste. - David White

A head brewer needs a fermentation degree.  A beer need a degree of fermentation. - Aaron J. Grier

My girlfriend asked me to stop drinking... I'll miss her. - Anonymous

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case.  Coincidence?  I think not. - Steven Wright

Remember "I" before "E" except in Budweiser. - Anonymous

It takes beer to make a thirst worthwhile. - German Proverb

Work is the curse of the drinking class. - Oscar Wilde

I'd rather have a free bottle in front of me than a prefrontal lobotomy. - Dorothy Parker

Would I were in an alehouse in London. - William Shakespeare, "Henry V"

This beer is good for you.  This is draft beer.  Stick with the beer.  Let's go and beat this guy up and come back and drink some more beer. - Ernest Hemingway, "To Have and Have Not"

There are more old drunks than old doctors. - Anonymous

For a quart of ale is a dish for a king. - William Shakespeare, "A Winter's Tale"

The best beer is where priests go to drink. - Anonymous

"What is your best, your very best, ale a glass?"  "Two pence halfpenny," says the landlord, "is the price of the Genuine Stunning Ale."  "Then," says I, producing the money, "just draw me a glass of the Genuine Stunning, if you please, with a good head on it." - Charles Dickens, David Copperfield

I asked these Indians: "Do men ever make Chicha?"  My question was met with gales of laughter.  The women howled.  Bent over in hilarity, one replied, "Men can't brew.  Chicha made by men would only make gas in the belly.  You are a funny man!  Beer is women's work." - Alan Eames

No children without sex, no drunkenness without beer. - Ancient Sumerian Proverb.

A glass of bitter or pale ale, taken with the principal meal of the day, does more good and less harm than any medicine the physician can prescribe. - Doctor Carpenter, 1750

It puts eloquence in an orator, it will make the philosopher talk profoundly... it is a great friend to the Truth... it will put courage in a coward... it is the seal to a bargain... it is the nourisher of mankind. - John Taylor

Ale, not beer, in a pewter mug was comme il faut, the only thing for a gentleman of letters, worthy of the name, to drink. - Guy de Maupassant, "Twelve Men"

When schoolboy friends meet once again, who have not met for years.  Say, over what will they sit down and talk of their careers.  Your "whishy-washy" wines won't do, and fiery spirits fail, for nothing blends the heats of friends than good old English ale. - J. Caxton

Shoulder the sky, my lad, and drink your ale. - A. E. Housman "A Shropshire Lad"

Make the long night shorter, forgetting not, good stout old English porter. - R. H. Messenger "Give Me the Old"

I use no Porter ... in my family, but such as is made in America: both these articles may now be purchased of an excellent quality. - George Washington

I have received delegations of working men who come, apparently speaking of the utmost sincerity, have declared that they would regard it as a genuine hardship to be deprived of their beer. - Woodrow Wilson

Such power hast beer.  The heart which grief hath one unfailing remedy, The Tankard. - Charles Stuart Caverley

 Of doctors and medicines we have more than enough.  What you may, for the love of God, send is some large quantity of beer. - Message from New South Wales, Australia, 1854

They who drink beer will think beer. - Washington Irving

I think this would be a good time for a beer. - Franklin D. Roosevelt

The mouth of a perfectly happy man is filled with beer. - Ancient Egyptian Proverb

Give me a woman who truly loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Kaiser Wilhelm II

'Taws a women who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it. - W. C. Fields

What's made Milwaukee famous made a loser out of me. - Jerry Lee Lewis

Mike Hammer drinks beer because I can't spell Cognac. - Mickey Spillane

And in my innocence, I once thought that beer drinking in England was carried to excess, but I was mistaken,  English men are in the infant class; in the ABC's in acquiring a German's education in the practice of beer drinking. - Henry Ruggles

The Puritanical nonsense of excluding children, and therefore to some extent women, from pubs has turned these places into mere boozing shops instead of the family gathering places they ought to be. - George Orwell

A woman is a lot like a beer.  They smell good, they look good, and you'd step over your own mother to get one. - Homer Simpson

Up to the age of forty, eating is beneficial; after forty, drinking. - The Talmud

They're drinkin' home brew from a wooden cup.  The folks were dancin' there got all shook up. - Chuck Berry "Rock and Roll Music"

Listening to someone who brews their own beer is like listening to a religious fanatic talk about the day he saw the light. - Ross Murray "Montreal Gazette"

Beer was not made to be moralized about, but to be drunk. - Theodore Maynard

Keep your libraries, keep your penal institutions, keep your insane asylums...give me beer.  You think man needs rule, man needs beer.  The world does not need morals, it needs beer.  It does not need your lectures and charity.  The souls of men have been fed with indigestibles, but the soul could make use of beer. - Henry Miller "Make Beer for Man"

For when the lepers she nursed implored her for beer and there was none to be had, she changed the water which was used for the bath into an excellent beer, by the sheer strength of her blessing, and dealt it out to the thirsty in plenty. - From the life of St. Brigid

The selling of bad beer is a crime against Christian love. - Thirteenth century law from the city of Augsburg

I'll make it felony to drink small beer. - William Shakespeare "Henry VI, Part 2"

Beer isn't just beer...Beer needs a home. - Die Welt (German National Newspaper)

I throw a little dry malt, which is left to purpose on top of the mash, with a handful of salt, to keep the whiches from it, and then cover it up. - Instructions for brewing Scotch Ale, 1793

I wish we could all have good luck, all the time!  I wish we had wings!  I wish rain water was beer! - Robert Bolt, "A Man for All Seasons"

Life alas, is very drear.  Up with the glass, down with the beer. - Louis Untermeyer

The immense importance of a pint of ale to a common person should never be overlooked. - From the Canon of St. Paul's Cathedral

I would give all my fame for a pot of ale and safety. - William Shakespeare, "Henry V"

On the chest of a barmaid in Sale

Were tattooed the prices of ale,

And on her behind

For the sake of the blind

Was the same information in Braille. - Anonymous

Mother's in the kitchen washing out the jugs,

Sister's in the pantry bottling the suds,

Father's in the cellar mixing up the hops,

Johnny's on the front porch watching for the cops. - Prohibition song

All the buildup and hype, everything else, is foam.  The game is the beer. - Marv Levy, Buffalo Bills head coach.

Do not cease to drink beer, to eat, to intoxicate thyself, to make love and celebrate the good days. - Egyptian Proverb

It is my design to die in a brewhouse; let ale be placed in my mouth when I am expiring, that when the chorus of angels come, they may say, "Be God propitious to this drinker." - St. Colombanus

I have total irreverence for anything connected with society, except that which makes the road safer, the beer stronger, and the old men and women warmer in the winter and happier in the summer. - Brendan Behan

They who have drunk beer, fall on their back, but there is a peculiarity in the effects of the drink made from barley, for they that get drunk on other intoxicating liquors fall on all parts of their body, they fall on the left side, on the right side, on their faces, and and on their backs.  But it is only those who get drunk on beer that fall on their backs with their faces upward. - Aristotle

Filled with mingled cream and amber

I will drain that glass again.

Such hilarious visions clamber

Through the chamber of my brain,

Quaintest thoughts, queerest fancies

Come to life and fade away:

What care I how time advances?

I am drinking ale today. - Edgar Allan Poe

Now, trice welcome Christmas!

which brings us good cheer;

mince pies and plum pudding;

strong Ale and strong Beer. - Christmas Poem, 1695

I think 49 Guinnesses is piggish. - Dylan Thomas

He who drinks beer sleeps well.  He who sleeps well cannot sin.  He who does not sin goes to heaven. Amen. - Monk

What two ideas are more inseparable than beer and Britannia? - Reverend Sidney Smith

Fermentation and Civilization are inseparable. - John Ciardi

God made yeast, as well as dough, and loves fermentation just as dearly as he loves vegetation. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

From man's sweat and God's love, beer came into the world. - Saint Arnoldus